Karaoke...and NOT being a doormat (or Mattress)

So, this weekend wasn't the most exciting, definitely not the least. But one thing I determined is that sometimes enjoyment can come in the smallest of packages. I mean, I love karaoke, love Shooters, love the company at Shooters (otherwise why would I ever return? :-p) so of course I would love karaoke at Shooters. But, I don't know, something about the vibe there this past Saturday was so..refreshing. I had such a blast, but nothing really exciting happened. I guess every once in a while you just luck out and all the cards fall perfectly in to place, and you get 4 aces when you're playing with a bunch of pros. (lol, on second thought not sure if that really applies perfectly, but oh well. You get the point :-p)

So one of the conversations I had that day was with a 19 year old young woman. Within this conversation she told me that she was having an issue with men, because she is selective, and she won't "give it up" easily. But she finds that whenever she does, he inevitably leaves her. I don't know. As an individual I never really experienced the whole boy angst, where I was worried that maybe one would leave me if I give up too much/too little, etc etc. I always had the opinion that A) Just because I am dating you doesn't mean I have some obligation to go X amount of bases with you, B) Anyone with that opinion is a sleazebag and isn't worth my time, and C)That if the "only way" I can get you to be faithful/open/fall in love/commit (insert pretty much anything desirable, really) is by rounding X amount of bases with you, then clearly you have no real desire to do those things anyway and probably won't even if I do give you what you want.

She somewhat understood these concepts, of course everyone kind of does, although for some reason I find that most women I have encountered have fallen into these reasoning traps on more than one occasion (I thought about it, by the way. I fell into said traps twice in my life, before I turned 16, and I learned nice and fast that I don't wanna but some dumb chick whom everyone thinks is a slut because I have mistakenly rounded too many bases too many times with too many people all to please a boy who couldn't care less about my virtue--or his own. And God forbid I have to sit there and give myself excuses about why my "count" is so high, and I can't come up with even half of that number whom I didn't regret).

I think one thing she didn't understand was my internal reasoning methods for why I am able to avoid these things. Or, rather, not that she didn't understand as much as she seemed to be hearing a new concept. What I told her, quite simply, was that if you wanted to "give it up" to a man (whether what you're giving is 1st base or a home run) it should only be based on your own personal desires and feelings, entirely independent of his. As in, for example, if you end up doing the do with someone, it should be because you truly want to because you desire the do, because you are attracted enough to him that you have been desiring the do, and because whether he disappears from your life or not shortly thereafter you won't regret it because you didn't do it for him, you did it for yourself and your own selfish reasons.

Now this philosophy has been working very well for me. The guys who are interested in me only for my body, I discard if the feeling isn't mutual. The guys who whisper pretty little things, or try in any way to coerce me into anything on any level, are again thrown away (why would I allow him to even contemplate the idea that he had had any influence on whether I had partaken in anything sexually whatsoever?? Ummm...no). The rest, I filter somewhat like this: if I am interested in you on level A then you will remain on level A until I decide otherwise. If you have a problem with that, there is the door. I am not going to sleep with you just because you "really care about me". Lots of people do, and quite frankly I don't have daddy issues...I know I don't have to be your personal doormat to attain someone's love somewhere. If you have an issue with this, again, there is the door.

And quite frankly, if you are such a sex addict that you can't keep it in your pants if I won't "give it up" then you probably won't keep it in your pants even if I do. If this thought even crosses my mind, I won't give you the option of staying or leaving, cause I'll be long gone. I'm not slutty and I'm not a cheater, and I don't particularly find the idea appetizing of being with someone who is (actually the idea makes me throw up in my mouth a little, but yeah). That being said, if I am really feeling you and I feel like sharing anything with you, and I have determined you're decent enough folk for me to do such a thing, then I will (don't get me wrong I don't take anything sexually lightly...I am very selective, always have been, thanks to my mother who has always convinced me that I was a gift and any man who didn't realize that didn't deserve to be within 50 feet of me...and she lived that life too, and her example showed me that she wasn't full of it..thanks Mom :-D...its about empowerment...being loose doesn't empower you, it just shows men that they should treat us like mattresses if we so fully want to act like them).

I mean, am I so abnormal? Is it weird that I have such a philosophy? I don't know man, this world is becoming highly oversexed. I am so worried about what my little cousins have done, what my little sister may or may not get herself into (although shes a smart cookie so she'll probably follow after big sis :-D) and what is in store for my baby cousins, who haven't even left grade school yet. *sigh*

lol...I didn't even realize how much I wrote. I could still write for another 20 minutes on this topic. However, I will restrain myself. Maybe I should call Mondays rant-days. Anyway, I will definitely pick up on this topic in a later post. For now

Happy Monday

Cheers

Can't Give Up Now

Seriously, this is currently my anthem. Listen to the lyrics. Every time I hear it I get chills. Inspirational. Take what you will from it.



Here are the lyrics, in case you got so caught up in the feelings of the song that you just couldn't focus :-p

"Can't Give Up Now"

There will be mountains that I will have to climb
And there will be battles that I will have to fight
But victory or defeat, it's up to me to decide
But how can I expect to win If I never try.

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

Never said there wouldn't be trials
Never said I would't fall
Never said that everything would go the way I want it to go
But when my back is against the wall
And i feel all hope is gone,
I'll just lift my head up to the sky
And say help me to be strong

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

[Hook:]
No you didn't bring me out here to leave me lonely
Even when I can't see clearly
I know that you are with me(so I can't)

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

Hope you were as touched and inspired as I was.

Cheers

The Rain

Despite the title I actually can stand the rain. Sometimes I find it to be so comforting, lulling me to sleep, much like holding a sleeping baby calms and comforts my heart so that I find my eyes struggling to stay open. Sometimes the rain makes me feel so invigorated, so free and carefree that I feel like running out of my house and dancing in the rain (clothing optional). Sometimes I wanna stand in the rain, staring up at the gray clouds and just sing my heart out. I don't know, I find the rain to be inspiring. Maybe because it puts my mind so at rest.

Anyway, the way this song vibes, its sweet sultry-ness is kinda exactly how the rain makes me feel. Have a listen and see how it makes you feel.



I might post a bit more later, but for now my friends, I'm off to be lulled by the rain once again.

Cheers

Just randomness

So a few posts ago I was telling you about my friend Wyze Wonda and how he has a song playing live to air from Sugar Daddy's at z103.5, but that it wasn't the song I had posted. At the end of this post I have posted that song. Give it a listen, should get you vibing...me and my friend were listening to it last night (I shamelessly promote this song...you have no idea how much I love it. You will too, just try it out).

So in the spirit of randomness I have decided to create a new hobby for myself. I haven't determined exactly what it will be as of yet but there's no stopping me. I decided that whatever it is, it must be something totally different from anything I've done before. Something that really forces me to expand my horizons and my interests. I want it to be something that will give me new perspectives. I don't know, I know that sounds a bit enterprising, but right now I'm determined. Of course, we all know how well I commit to random ideas so we'll see how it goes. I'll let you know if I come up with anything.

Continuing in my randomness, I am also determined to pick up doing some of my old hobbies. Especially writing, singing, and playing my instruments. I miss the creative energies flowing through my mind and soul. I think maybe that has something to do with recently seeing Wyze perform. Not so much the performance, as the look on his face during the performance, and for the rest of the night otherwise. He looked so fresh scrubbed and reborn. I remember when I used to get that feeling, and it was back when I was embracing my talents and my creative juices. So I'm gonna give it a go. Note: this plan most likely will pan out better than plan A, but for now I am hoping I manage both..fingers crossed.

So I'm waiting for the boy to pull himself out of his lazy stupor and come break my wall of boredom. Hasn't happened as of yet, although it was said earlier to be planned to happen by 6...which at this moment is 2 hours ago. I am debating calling, but until my food is done cooking I suppose there's no rush. At least my house is full of the delicious aroma of west indian food (I'm making beef). I know overall that this change of topic is random, but as I've said there is definitely a spirit of randomness surging within me right now. Maybe its the boredom. Maybe not. Meh.

So I'm gonna take a class of Zimba on Monday. I know right, wtf is Zimba? Well, Aliya proposed I try it out with her and since I don't really have anything better to do I figured why not? Apparently its a dance class that mixes a whole bunch of styles together...ummm...hip hop, latin...can't remember what else...I guess it wasn't "a whole bunch"..or maybe I don't remember. Whatever, apparently its supposed to be a good workout. I'll find out Monday, I suppose. And I'll let you all know how it goes.

Ahhh...random...not even connectedly random. Meh. At least I have been dedicated and except for yesterday have managed to make at least a post a day...yayyyy me!! Maybe I'll make another post later to cover for yesterday. Well, technically I have a video attached to this post, which technically could be its own separate post. Does that count? *sigh* geez not even a week and I'm already trying to cut corners...lol

Enjoy the video...the songs phenomenal!!



See, it was fricken' amazing wasn't it?

Cheers!

Rename it?

So lately I have been thinking quite a bit about my blog name...maybe I should change it. I mean, I think it was pretty appropriate when i had first started this blogging thing, as I had kinda more of an idea of presenting the worlds events in the context of my own personal philosophy. Ok, not the worlds events. Like, not really stuff that would ever be covered on the news. Ever. Unless for some reason it actually had something to do with my personal life.

Ok, whatever. I just spent like 10 minutes staring at the screen trying to determine how to further explain myself, since I don't think I have 100% made that concept as clear as I could. But it really doesn't matter, I've determined, as thats not really the point. The point is that (I almost forgot the point..in fact shamefully I had to go back and read from the beginning to tip myself off) when I first started this blog concept I had had a totally different vision of what it would be versus what it ended up being.

This is the point in the post where I am going to admit that that isn't my only reason for maybe considering changing the name. Ok, and I really am hanging my head in shame, as we've already discussed I am the most easily influenced person sometimes. I don't even know how it happens. I mean, seriously, I know the power of suggestion is crazy, but nothing has to be suggested to me. My subconscious makes suggestions, and for some reason I am powerless to fight against those suggestions. At all. Whatsoever.

Ok, ok, so I admit, much like it was Rob starting up a blog that piqued my curiosity and finally wrestled me in to this blogging thing it was also Rob changing his blog's name that also had me thinking of changing mine. His concept was pretty much that he's grown and changed since beginning his blog, much as his reflections have too and so therefore he felt it was only natural that the name of his blog change as well. And that made a lot of sense to me. And then there's the new blog I've been reading lately (although haven't quite grown the cahonas..is that how you spell it?..to comment on yet) called Naked With Socks On.(url is http://www.nakedwithsockson.com in case you are curious)

Its awesome, you should check it out. But yeah, I came across this blog because of an add he sent out on black planet. And so I decided to check out his "bp" page to see what he had to say about it. And there he had this little explanation about the title of his blog, what it meant. And combined with the Rob thing not that long ago, I have been seriously contemplating this change.

I must take just a moment to say though that for once this wasn't entirely influenced by current happenings. If you remember, I had been considering changing my blogs name to tales of an insomniac...if you didn't read it, you can now, and to make it easy on ya I'll even give you a short cut. Just click here. It has been something I have thought about. Seriously. I swear...read it, you'll see..and that was forever ago. So there. (and yes I did stick my tongue out at you!!).

I am definitely going to think about this, although I won't make any moves towards this change without first being hit by a strike of inspiration as to what the new one should be. I think I'm gonna go read through some more NWSO while I'm waiting for ANTM (for those of you who live under a rock in a cave on Mars, with your eyes shut and your fingers in your ears--thanks for the saying Desi, probably one of the greatest things EVER!!---ANTM stands for America's Next Top Model...and if you can't, from this post, determine what NWSO stands for you're beyond help)

Anywho, enough of my blabbering

Cheers

De willekeurige post over niets, werkelijk, maar minstens het raadsel zal daarna pret zijn

In case you were wondering what that means, you can always find out the same way that I found out how to say it. You see, I found out today my baby sister has a blog (awwwwwwww!!! SOOOOO cute, she already has like 3 post!!!). Sorry, just had to say it. Anywho, so at the top of her blog there's some random german words. Not having been aware that my sister knew any language other than English and French (yayy Immersion) I asked her if she was taking German in school.

In the infuriating way that only lovers in a fight, or teenagers in general, do she said 'nope'. That was it...like, really? (sorry, but this girl from Shooters said that in a story once and it totally touched my heart...I thought it was the awesomest response to someone doing or saying something you find ridiculous...its like asking 'are you being serious, cause I can't imagine that you are given how ridiculous this seems to me'. Sorry, what is that? like, my second diversion in 3 sentences? Sorry, I'll try to stay focused!! :-p).

Anyway, so her ridiculous answer with no follow up caused me to ask another tedious question..."So how did you find out then?" Which was clearly the question to begin with, implied from the initial question...GEEZ!! Anywho, then she told me that she got it from translator.com. I was like, oh neat, I've never heard of it. Maybe I'll blog about it!! I was really excited about the concept. Sadly, I know.

So happily I punched translator.com into my browser address bar, preparing for a fun filled afternoon of translating random sentences into some other language, sending them to my friends via msn and then laughing hysterically at their confusion and frustration when I continue to "speak" in that language to answer their questions. Kinda like the taco bell commercial where the lady is speaking in spanish and the dude is like 'why are you speaking in spanish' and she answers, still in spanish 'I don't know...I don't speak spanish!' looking all concerned. Ahhh...I like that commercial. Maybe I'll post it.

Anyway, so imagine my disappointment when it brought me to one of those fake websites that just links you to another google search of whatever it is you are looking for. So I ask her if she is SURE that is the website. Not once, but thrice. Of course, what did she say..."I'm positive" in that confident tone of voice that teenagers whom don't know that they are caught in a lie use.

So when I confront her, shes like.."lol, no use google, put in translator.com and then click on the first hit". So, of course, I try this out, it works like a charm, I click on the first hit, and of course its a free translator. So I look at the address...www.free-translator.com. So I told her what the address was, and shes like "I don't know, i found it on google".

Which begs the question, of course, of why in THE WORLD didn't she JUST SAY THAT?!??!?!?!??! Grrrr...Teenagers...lol!! Anywho, can you figure out what language this is? And therefore what this says? Happy puzzling y'all

See baby girl, told ya I would blog about it! ;-)

Cheers

I wish somebody would write me a song....

So my friend wrote a song, dedicated to his girl. At the end of this brief post I have embedded it. I must say I absolutely love the song. In fact I love most of his songs. He's phenomenal and I hope he blows up largely. They play his song every week on Thursdays live to air from Sugar Daddy's on z103.5 (not the song embedded here, another one). But yeah, not trying to be an advertisement for Wyze Wonda or anything, but felt I should give my two cents on him.

Anyway, my whole point is, I wish somebody would write me a song like that. Or any song. I'm watching a show called Taking the Stage right now and on this show this girls male best friend performed one of his songs for her, it was about being in love with her and not being able to say it cause the words never come out right. I wish somebodies heart was so full, bleeding with love that they felt they had no choice but to make it into a work of art.

Honestly, yes I would prefer a song, but a poem, spoken word piece...something. Something deep and passionate. Even a letter nowadays would suffice. I can't even remember the last time I have been given a card by a significant other that even had a personal message written in it. I mean a real one, not just a line saying, 'I love you, you mean the world to me..xoxoxo'. Know what I mean?

Not that I would expect such things once a week or anything. Just like I don't expect gifts or flowers every day. But every once in a while its nice to, say, get flowers just because (and not just on valentines or anniversaries) they love you. To know that somebody was willing to take the time and effort out of their life to make an extra special effort to make sure you feel extra special, because they think you are extra special.

Maybe thats really what I want then...to be that extra special, precious, and irreplaceable to someone, so much so that they exude it from their pores whenever they are around me, and even when they are not they can't help but say, sit and write a song about me, agonize for days, or weeks even just to get that perfect word, perfect melody, perfect message. *sigh*

Ok, enough of my lamentations for one day :-p Here's the song...give it a listen, seriously, you'll love it!!



See, told ya you'd love it!!!

Anywho,

Cheers

Good Friday

A time to reflect, if you haappen to be Christian, about the love of our God who sent his only son to die on a cross so that we may have eternal life. And how greatful we should be that now all we have to do ask for our sins to be forgiven and they will be, as opposed to killing 5 goats as an offering to God (per sin...I can't even IMAGINE how many goats I'd have to kill a day to purge all of my sins) and going through some priest for absolution.

Honestly, I am not a practicing religious person, however I do have my faith, and I believe in my religion very strongly. That being said I don't spend a whole lot of time even thinking about religion or God, or the concept of Jesus loving me, or whatever else, all that often. Honestly though, for some reason this Good Friday really touched me. But I don't think it was necissarily because of what the day was supposed to be. I think it is simply from being in church at all.

I think that maybe the emptiness that I have been feeling lately can be attributed to a lack of spirituality in my life. I felt so full, so satisfied while at church yesterday (sorry, in case you were wondering, I am Apostolic, and we are a 'holy ghost' church...for those of you who don't know what that is, think big, loud, happy, hand-clapping, feet stomping, out of tune or not singing kinda church :-p). It really made me feel that ultimate love, that love that no human being can give you, true, unconditional, all encompassing love.

I don't know. I'm thinking maybe its time for me to return to the concept of spiritualness. Nothing else in my life has given me such fulfillment, not on any real or long lasting basis. I don't know. Gotta think more about this really.

Anyway, thank you Jesus for dying for my sins.

Have a wonderful long weekend/easter y'all

Cheers

Not it exactly, but it will have to do

I have been trying desperately to find a song that conveys my current emotions. Not that I really want to get into it (unlike most girls I don't particularly like to purge my innermost problems by sharing them with anyone who will listen and cluck their tongue sympathetically) but this song, lyrically, doesn't quite cut it. I think maybe because I have a lot of complex feelings kinda smooshed into each other right now. But this song, the sound of it, indeed many of the lyrics as well, plus the general point of it, I think says enough. I still have my eyes open for that perfect song, although I don't think it exists. Maybe I should write a song about how I feel right now...maybe thats the definition of inspiration. Anyway, enjoy



Cheers